To Say Good-Bye
by lazybum89
Summary: "Why did she have to come back? I was prepared to live my life without her when I sent her away with her family to keep her safe but she came back, just like she always did when I sent her away or when we got separated."


Disclaimer: I don't own _Doctor Who_ but I, like about 90% of the population, wishes I did. It also goes without saying that if you see something from the show that you recognize, I don't own that either.

A/N: So I've recently discovered the wonders of _Doctor Who_ thanks to my friend, _Lady of the Shards,_ who recommended that I watch it while I was talking to her and I figured I give it a go when I came down with pneumonia and was stuck on bed rest while not working (pneumonia and coughing up your lungs is not enough of a reason to stay home and not go to work in this day and age, at least for more than two days). What's the worst that could happen if I watch _Doctor Who_, right? Well, let me tell you the worst that could happen, I have become addicted to the show… seriously. When I'm not working and doing other necessities of life like eating, although not a big priority at first judging by my still recovering refrigerator and cupboards, and sleeping, a little more important since I was sick, I'm watching all the _Doctor Who_ I can.

Now I realize this type of story has probably been done before but I figured I would give it a go myself and note to all my usual readers, this story is going to be different from all my other ones as this one is filled with angst and not too much humor, if any. You can probably guess when and where this takes place.

* * *

To Say Good-Bye

_Doctor's POV_

I walked slowly up to the wall. The unmovable, most deplorable wall in all existence. If I was more myself, I would realize that this wall had nothing to do with it. It was another wall completely that was at fault. It was quiet in the room and for the first time in a long time, I did not feel like filling the silence with noise.

Why did she have to come back? I was prepared to live my life without her when I sent her away with her family to keep her safe but she came back, just like she always did when I sent her away or when we got separated. Why?

I leaned close to the wall as if I could feel her doing the same. Maybe she was but I would never know because she is in a different universe now, forever separated from me. Without a good-bye, just a brief, quick, panicked glance over her shoulder as she realized what was about to happen when Pete – she'll have to call him dad now and she'll make me regret ever doubting her when she comes ba-, I'll stop that thought right there – caught her and stopped her from falling into the Void, something that I am sure I will be forever grateful for at some point later on, but not right now. I recognize this. Rose would tell me that I was being ungrateful and rude...

We've never parted without saying some type of good-bye, though we have never said those words exactly, and so many other words, and now... Now we will never be able to.

Why did she have to come back and why did I allow myself to hope that maybe we would make it through this situation unscathed? I knew there was something coming. I should have done something more to protect her from this. Protect myself from this... From this...

Heartbreak.

* * *

_Rose's POV_

I pounded my hand on the wall as if it would somehow break down and take me back.

All I wanted to do was go back to my Doctor. How could the universes be so cruel to the man who keeps saving them? I sobbed as I left my hand on the wall as my dad, Pete, whatever, said that he had closed the breach, that the Doctor had fixed it. Had there really been any doubt that he couldn't? I didn't, not for a minute. I just wish I was on the other side with my Doctor. I continue to sob, shaking my head. Just let me go back, please...

I stood up straighter and leaned closer to the wall as if I could feel the Doctor doing the same. In fact, I know he is doing the same and thinking. He always does that too much but I don't know what he thinking about now. I'm not there to see his face. Not there to hold his hand. Not there to stop him if I think he's going to go too far. Not there. I took a shuddering breath. Please let me go back...

How cruel were the universes to us?

* * *

_Doctor's POV_

I think the silence is getting to me. Rose would never let it get this silent nor would she let me brood for so long after something tragic happened. If she were here... I stopped that train of thought.

I slowly turn away from the wall thinking. It was like my mind was on a loop with certain thoughts. My mind hasn't done this in ages, not since the war. I can't believe she was gone. She would be trying to help me solve my problem if she were here.

_If she were here._

That was the problem, though, wasn't it? I walked slowly away from the wall. She's not here and my thoughts are still looping on why did she come back only for her to be cruelly ripped away from me without even a good-bye or what I knew was a good-bye. Why couldn't I have had my happiness just this once? Why couldn't the universes let me be selfish this once? Isn't being the last of the Time Lords enough? Did Rose have to go too? The woman I lo- I reached the point where the levers where.

Good-bye.

Maybe I can stop this from happening?

I run as fast as I can the rest of the way to the TARDIS.

* * *

_Rose's POV_

I turned away from the wall when I think the Doctor has moved and move my hair out of my face so I can breath as I lean my back against the wall as it sinks in.

I'm not there. I really can't go back. Nothing can fix this. I'm stuck in a parallel world without the Doctor. I feel as if I'm slowly dying. I can't go back. I look at my family who is with me. I can't go back.

I look at my dad first. I guess he really is my dad now. Take that, Doct- Oh. Right. I let out another choked sob. I can't really tell what he is thinking. I'm going to have to learn how to read him.

Why can't I go back?

I look at my mum next. She looks like her heart is breaking for me. She knows how much traveling with the Doctor and the Doctor, especially the Doctor, means – meant – to me. I let out another choked sob. I don't want it to be over. I'm not ready. He needs me and I need him. Mum looks at my dad.

Please just let me go back!

Finally, I look at Mickey. I can only stand to look at him for a minute because he truly understands, I can see it in his eyes, and he looks like he wants to give me a hug. He has to bring his hands up to his face, a habit he hasn't lost yet, when he doesn't know what to do with himself.

Why can't I go back? I love him...

I have to turn to face the wall again to hide my sobs at that thought. I never told him even though I know he knew.

What am I going to do now?

A few seconds later, I take a deep breath and finally walk away from the wall to join my family who are all holding hands now.

* * *

_Doctor's POV _

I make it back to the TARDIS in a relatively short amount of time. I'm ignoring the nagging sensation in the back of my mind because I know what its telling me and I don't want it to be true. Just let me have this hope for a few moments. I can change this. I know I can.

I open the door to the TARDIS and I can feel her own loss of Rose. The TARDIS knows what I'm ignoring and she is sending out comfort while trying to deal with her own pain. The TARDIS had loved Rose. No, the TARDIS loves Rose. The TARDIS gives an acknowledging hum in agreement to my thought. I can fix this. Not at that thought though.

"I can fix this."

I say it out loud as if it will make it more true or to convince someone who isn't here. I start to do my thing around the console and the TARDIS is trying to be supportive. I read the readings that are on the computer. They look promising, I tell myself.

A few hours later, I'm all set and I have the coordinates all set to go but the TARDIS won't move. Won't go. Won't let me fix this.

"I can fix this."

The TARDIS let out a hum.

"It's not. Please I know I can fix this. I can bring her back to me."

The TARDIS let out another hum accompanied by a dimming of the lights.

I let out a frustrated sound and said again, "Please. I know I can fix this. It's not."

The TARDIS let out another hum that sounded extremely sorrowful, mournful and regretful all at once and dimmed her lights again.

This time I let out what sounds like a choked sob, I'm not sure myself, and said out loud, "I know."

The TARDIS wraps me mentally in comfort and regret.

It was such a human thing to have hoped that I could actually fix this especially when I knew I couldn't. I could tell, superior Time Lord senses and all telling me.

The console dinged.

What was that?

* * *

_Rose's POV_

It's been a month. A month that I've been here. Without the Doctor. Saying it's been rough is probably about the understatement of the century. I sat in my room staring out of the window.

Mum, Dad, yes I have finally decided on calling him dad and he agreed since he said something about a cover story, I'm going to have to talk to Mum about that again at some point as I wasn't really paying attention the first five times they told me, and Mickey were all very supportive. I could tell though that they were getting tired of my moping or my smell since it probably has been a while since I showered, maybe both. I don't think they would tell me though least they think I'll break into tears again.

I don't think I have any left at this point.

I hear the front door open and shut. Mum's got back from shopping. She was trying to fill both my wardrobe and hers with clothes since we only came with the ones on our backs, and she didn't like anything that this original universe's Jackie had for clothes. I haven't looked at anything that she bought me so far. I've been staying in my bed clothes.

Maybe I will today when she brings it in.

"Sweetheart?"

"Yeah, Mum?" When did my voice get so croaky?

"Do you want to see what I got you today?" She was obviously hesitant since I've turned her down so many times before but she isn't a quitter that's for sure.

"Sure."

I can tell by that simple word that she is relieved. She thinks I'm getting better. Maybe I am. Maybe it won't hurt so much anymore.

We spend the next five minutes going through the stuff she got me. I was fine until I reached a certain item.

"Mum..." I hold it up. Apparently I was wrong. I still have tears left.

The black leather coat slips between my fingers as I start to cry into my mum's, who wrapped her arms around me right away when she quickly put together the pieces of why I was falling apart over a leather coat, shoulder as she says things that won't make it through my haziness of hurt.

I distantly register it starting to rain and I know I'm not the only one who's sad.

* * *

_Doctor's POV_

I get up – when had I sat down or fallen down? – and I go look at my computer on the console. I looked at the readings. Then I doubled checked them. That can't be right.

"That can't be right," I said aloud to the TARDIS because there was no one else to hear, not anymore.

The TARDIS dimmed her lights in agreement with what I was reading.

"But it's showing a gap. A tiny, miniscule gap," I said.

I could feel my hope starting to build again but I quickly dashed it and I was right too. I would rip the two universes apart if I tried to go through to get her.

"Why would you show me this?" I yelled angrily, brokenheartedly.

The TARDIS shocked me, like she does when she wants me to use my brain and not my hearts.

I scowl as I try to think but it's almost painful. Who knew having someone you cared for ripped away from you so suddenly was so painful?

It's probably because I didn't get to say...

"That's it! I can use that gap to say good-bye! Right? Tell me I can do that," I asked the TARDIS as I looked at the readings again.

The lights dimmed in agreement to what I said but I frowned.

"We don't have enough power."

The TARDIS shocked me again. I should move my hand when I say things like that.

"Right. Think. Focus. This gap won't stay open forever."

And I got to work.

* * *

_Rose's POV_

This is the second month that I've been here. This month was slightly better than the last.

I'm not crying all the time anymore, I shower regularly, which pleases everyone, and I leave my room and the house, though the last one is not often.

My family, which includes Mickey and his gran who has moved into my dad's house, and now my house, which is more like a mansion, continue to be supportive though I can tell they want me to do something that doesn't involve spending time in my room or the library reading or running from the reporters who want to get of glimpse of the hidden Tyler heiress. They say that's the only time I smile is when I'm running from them.

That's the cover story that I got out of Mum for a sixth time. That she and Dad gave me up to Mickey and his gran to hide me from all the crazy media mania or something so I could grow up normal. I have to keep repeating it to myself so I don't forget it. It's not the highest priority on my mind right now.

I wish I could find a way back to the Doctor but I have nothing to work with. I wonder if he is looking for a way? I look at the leather jacket in my closet.

I wouldn't let Mum get rid of it after my breakdown that day. I needed something to remind me of my time with the Doctor. I had nothing. Besides on my ventures out, I came to realize this universe has a leather kink or something – Jack would have loved it here. Seriously, almost everyone's outfit is completed with a piece of leather. I wondered how I missed that the first time I was here or if that was only a new development with the Cybermen and everyone needed to look more hard. I should probably ask Mickey since he wouldn't look at me like I was mad. I should look into buying a brown leather jacket or a brown pinstripe one if such a thing exists.

Dad walks into my room.

What was that about working for Torchwood?

* * *

_Doctor's POV_

I figure it out after about an hour. To send my projection, that's all that will fit through the gap, I will have to find a supernova. How many people can say now that just to say good-bye to someone they burned up a sun? Yep that's right, just me. I'll just have to make sure there are no life forms anywhere around the sun that I want to use.

I spend another couple of minutes going through all the readings of the supernovas that the TARDIS found and we consult the list together to make sure there are no life forms, I wouldn't want to cause an extinction of any kind just to say good-bye.

We found one but before I set the TARDIS off, I remembered something important. How was Rose going to get to the other end of the gap? There was no way to tell where it would come out in her world.

My world almost came crashing down again as all the hope I had just to say good-bye was leaving me but the TARDIS wasn't having it. She could give me what one would call "tough love" when she felt the need arise. My hand is still stinging.

"How do you expect me to think of something when I'm in pain?" I ask her rhetorically.

The TARDIS dimmed her lights and I took that to mean, "You'll think of something." My TARDIS has a sense of humor, even in the most bleak of situations and when she is grieving.

But she was right. I did think of something.

I have telepathic abilities. I could, theoretically, reach her mind if she was open to me and we could see each other one last time.

If I started now she would be able to hear me, follow my voice and come out at the gap roughly the same time as I get everything set. Hopefully.

The TARDIS hummed and dimmed her lights comforting, like she always does when I'm alone and need it.

And so I close my eyes, not because I need to but because it feels right somehow, and I whisper her name in my mind, over and over again, hoping she could hear me.

_Rose._

I had no idea if this was working but this was Rose, she had a habit of surprising me every single day and now I believe that anything is possible when it comes to her. Besides, we needed to say good-bye, at the very least.

_Rose._

There is one more thing I need to do before I can set the coordinates to the supernova that involves a list.

I don't stop repeating Rose's name the entire time.

* * *

_Rose's POV_

This is the third month that I've been here.

This month has been slightly better. I haven't cried days away. It only happens now when I've thought about the Doctor too much and realized we didn't have any kind of good-bye. The first time I had realized that I was inconsolable for days. I haven't skipped showers unless I was dead tired after Torchwood training, which reminds me, I've got to thank Dad again for offering me that job to give me something to focus on this past month. It wasn't a pity job either. I was uniquely qualified for it.

I might have cracked if not for Torchwood.

I know. I thought at first: How could I work at Torchwood when they ruined everything?

Then I thought maybe they could fix it. They've got a Research and Development Department and they could, you know, invent something that could send me back. Then in the meantime, I could help out the Torchwood Teams with aliens. After all, I think I know a thing or two about them after all the traveling I did with the Doctor, all the planets I visited with him.

I never did get to Barcelona to see the dogs with no noses though.

Plus Mum told us she's pregnant!

When someone tells you they are pregnant, you can't help but be happy. A new life is coming into the world! How could that be anything but happy and fantastic? I can't help but remember all the plans Mum and I had drawn up for the baby shower already. You can't leave things like that a man to plan but Dad and Mickey wanted to give their input anyway. It was a good day and everyone was happy, for once.

_Today was a good day,_ I thought as I was getting into bed. I can only hope that my dreams are good as well and that maybe the Doctor and an alien planet we had visited together would visit my dreams, one of our happier moments, like I hope for every night.

I close my eyes and fall asleep a second later.

_Rose._

I woke up suddenly. I swear I just heard the Doctor calling my name but that's impossible. It's suppose to be impossible. How can that happen? I've finally cracked after all these months. I've...

_Rose._

I jumped out of my bed and went to find Mum, Dad and Mickey to tell them.

* * *

_Doctor's POV_

And there she is! She's wearing different clothes? How long has it been for her? We're on a time limit though so I have got to keep it short though her new outfit is fairly reminiscent of the old me. To be fair though, they don't really have clothes that I favor now that really work for woman and she's in an alternate universe so it's probably even worse.

Enough mental rambling about that though. She just asked me where I am and I explained it all to her, even though it was a little bit more than what she asked for. She should be used to this by now though.

I don't want her to see me as a ghost though so I use my sonic screwdriver and I fix it so her last images of me isn't that of a ghost. There goes my semi-good mood. Last images. I can't believe this is really the last time I'm going to see her. I wish I can hold her hand just one more time...

I know she had to ask the one question that I barely just go over the answer myself. I couldn't go through to get her and fracture the whole thing and collapse the two universes.

Of course her answer would be, "So." That was my answer at first until the TARDIS shocked me.

When she told me where the gap came out, I acted like I knew the entire time, even though I didn't and she knew it, we both did. I mean who would guess, Norway! Bad Wolf Bay at that. I wonder if that means there is a possibility this won't be the last time I see her after all, but I can't let myself hope. It will be just a little spark in the back of my mind.

We only have about two minutes left now. It's times like these that remind me that even though I'm a Time Lord, time is the master of us all; there is never enough when you really need it.

She looks like she's going to say something life changing now. I hope just doesn't say it. I don't want her to. If she says it, we will have to stop pretending; stop pretending that we don't know that we know how each other feels and this will be our one and only chance to say it to each other and it will hurt. I don't want this hurt.

It hurts anyway.

* * *

_Rose's POV_

I don't want this adventure either if I can't have it with him. Doesn't he know that? We were the stuff of the legends. Hope and Glory. Mutt and Jeff. Shiver and Shake...

I can't believe this is the last time I'm going to be seeing him. I won't accept it though I try to keep looking at him to memorize everything about him so I don't forget though who could forget the Doctor?

The last time I asked him if he was going to travel on his own in the TARDIS, he asked me if I wanted to come. He's got a different answer this time to the same question that I asked him so long ago. He can't answer properly though so he just nods his head yes. It breaks my heart even more because...

"I love you," I tell him and I can't help but cry because I know we only have seconds left now and then he will be gone but now he knows and we finally have our good-bye to each other.

Of course, he comes back with his response. If this wasn't going to be the last time I was going to see him, I would probably smack him and laugh more than a tearful chuckle at his answer. It was just so completely _him_.

But he is still talking and I think he might say it back. Please I just need to hear it once. He just said my name and...

He disappeared.

I can't help but start to sob into my hands. He didn't get to say it. I continue to sob into my hands for a minute before I turn around and I look at my family. Mum takes one look at me and she's running towards to me, and I'm running towards her, and she gives me a hug and doesn't let go until I'm done sobbing my heart out. Men are pretty useless when it comes to things like this so Dad and Mickey stayed by Dad's jeep, just watching with their hearts break for me. We've all become pretty close these past few months.

Today, I will let myself grieve the Doctor's loss for now. Yes for now, because even though the Doctor said it was impossible, so is traveling in time but he does it every day. I will find my way back to him because I am the stuff of legends.

* * *

_Doctor's POV_

I didn't get to say it. She'll never know for certain now. I look around the TARDIS almost helplessly as the tears fall.

I wipe them almost immediately then.

At least we have our good-bye.

I still don't feel any better but I know I have to move on because companions come and go. They all leave in the end.

I start to walk around the console to send the TARDIS into flight as she hums comfortingly in my mind and I can't help but think about where the gap came out, just to take my mind off of what I didn't get to say.

Bad Wolf Bay.

I want to hope that that means I will see her again and that she sent a message to herself when she absorbed the Time Vortex but...

No, I've said it before and I'll say it again. If there is one thing I believe in, it is Rose. If I can't find a way for her to come back on my own, despite all my Time Lord training saying it was impossible without ripping the two universes apart, she would do it safely. We were the stuff of legends after all.

I catch a glimpse of a woman in white on the TARDIS as I am stopped in front of my computer looking at it. I turn my attention fully to my computer, not comprehending for the moment. I looked up a millisecond later.

_What?_

"What?"

* * *

A/N2: So there we have it. My first _Doctor Who_ fic and hopefully, I got the characters right... if not I claim they are depressed and characters are usually out of character when they are upset. Let me know what you think. And yes, I know about the Doctor and River and there being other series, etc. I'm currently still watching series 3 and have never seen an episode before the Ninth Doctor. Though, just saying, who says you can't love more than one person or you can't love your best friend without having romantic feelings?


End file.
